NEVER PERFECT... 26 March 2010...

felt really bad today...i didn't meant to do that wrongly..
and nobody would want to do that wrongly..
especially during the first time...
some people might say...
i've faced alot of things before already...
thus i shouldn't be commiting such stupid mistakes..
before the entire thing started...
some people might know i was trying to stable myself down..
and make sure nothing went wrong before it started..
was like confirmin the procedure,make sure that i wont do it wrongly...
was like making sure that i remember it correctly...
so i wont say it wrongly..
but yet..i FAILED...
din manage to get things right..din manage to do things well as per normal..
i FAILED once again...as usual...
after the entire thing...
i questioned myself...
why did i make such a terrible mistake?
do i really fit to get what am i suppose to get now?
i really start to doubt myself...
it's not because of the rank that led me to tears..
it's the mistake that i've made..
and when i turned around to face mr peh..
the first thing he said was "孩子，没事的。"
his words grew my courage back to carry on...
but yet, it didn't help until the parade was over...

i know that sheding tears doesn't solve any problems at all..
but yet, its not me that want to shed tears..
its my heart perhaps...
im sorry...but yet..i really didn't mean to do that...
although people can forget and forgive the thing i did...
but i cant forgive myself...as i've failed over and over again...
disappoint myself,and people around me,over and over again..
after that happens...
i started to think that if im fit to consider to be a CI...
always wanted to be,but i don't feel that im good enough...
people belive that i can do it...
but i dont believe that i can do it...
haiishh...

27 March 2010...

today,i woke up super duper early..
like school time,to attend area 5 challenge shield,sec 1 swearing in, and SI promotion...
was feeling really tired..i din know why...
and not bothered to know why too.too lazy...
after everythin ended...went for lunch with si min,louis,suhana and chetwin...
after lunch...
actually wanted to go and return my book,and borrow a new book..
but yet i was too tired..and decided to go home first..
and go to the library later..
reach-ed home,bath-ed and SLEPT!
Slept..and keep waking up...
lastly i didn't go to the library la =X
tat's all for today..
byebye
[[EILEEN]]