today..
ish another like zzz day..??
one day ish like once again wasted...
stupid..
left class at 11.30..
and went to chong cheng high..
the school ish realli retro and unique..
it makes me feel that im not in singapore when i was walkin in the school...

anyway..
tml will go to amk police station for land division visit..
looking forward to it..=)
i feel like im droppin in my studies..
wad am i suppose to do..!!
ahhh....
must buck up..
no more using com anymore..
unless there ish realli a need to do so..yeah
i will try my best..
i dunwan to dissappoint myself..
hahas...
tats all bahs...

stupid monkey..
you lousy..
scissors,paper,stone and lose until like shit..
hahas..
get well soon...

[[♥EILEEN♥]]

HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY TO JASMINE KOH BI QIN!!

alright...
currently in school using the tablet..
as i have to do some stupid research again for my CME..
anyway..
today totalli sucks bahs..
dunno why everything seems so moodless..
not includin the time with my friends..
but still..
got this stupid feeling in me..
felt so weird..

felt so not like myself..
even when i saw him..
its like nothing...
no feeling at all..
as i just got no feeling at all..
dunno wads wrong bahs...
feel so stupid...
WTH!!!
feel like filling myself with alot alot alot of things...
so that i wont have that kind of stupid feeling anymore..
its realli veri irritating you noe..

tired hard to like get crazy..
but just dun have the correct mode..
zzz
wad the hell ish WRONG WITH ME!!!
stupid...
anyway..
this week would be realli filled up bahs..
will be super tired..
here's the thing...

[[TUESDAY]] NPCC...[[FULL-UNIFORM]]
[[WEDNESDAY]]NPCC trip [[SCHOOL UNIFORM]]
[[THURSDAY]]BEACH CLEANING UP...
[[FRIDAY]] BAD FRIDAY...

haiish..
seems that its not that pack after all...
zzz
haiish..
thats all bahs..
byebye..
[[EILEEN]]

having the urge to like give up on everythin...
LIFE REALLI SUCKS...
life was great were great when everyone gets together...
laugh around,have fun around...
but life realli sucks...
when everyone only care for themselves...
and quarrel around every single day...
getting angry with each other...
but never get the feeling of being sad....

i have the urge of just leaving this stupid world...
leavin it for the purpose of peace...
i dun understand wads the point of stayin..
as i dun want to feel upset over it...
why can friends be realli that nice..
but a place which im stayin in...
is so scary...
so cold...
it makes me feel that im not suppose to live here...

how i wish i got school everyday...
and doesn't have to go back home..
how i wish i have night classes everyday...
until late night..
so that i wont have to go through the horrible process everyday...

have i wish i was to have a realli nice day...
how i wish i had a realli nice home..
but i dun have one..
as everyone ish just caring for themselves..
but never spare a thought..
i might be the youngest...
but yet...
i have the most amount of emotions giving in...
i can just cry as my brother give me a small little hit...
he might not feel anythin...
but yet...
i felt realli sad..
realli hurt...
no one will ever know..
cos i am always joking around all these while...

smiling and having crazy moments in school..
during lesson, during cca....
was just a cover behind everythin...
but yet...
when its time to go home..
its all the same old things again...
no one cares..
and no one will ever noe...

seeing my friends getting so close..
to their siblings...
so close to their family..
they do quarrel...
but after that..
its one big family again...
but it doesn't seem so in my hse...
after quarrels...
things gets from bad to worse...

nowadays...
i dun talk to my brother...
he was one of the closest person at home...
but yet...
now when we see each other...
we would never talk...
i regretted growing up...
when i was young...
i would never have this type of thinking..
this type of feeling..
as i was still emotionless...
but now...
everythin changed....
i feel alot...
i care alot....
but i just cant expressed it out...
as i just cant show it out...

chinese got this saying...
兄妹没有隔夜愁。。。
但是那又是多么的真实呢。。？
为什么，误会总是越来越深。。
渐渐的，
爸爸不像爸爸，
妈妈不像妈妈，
哥哥不像哥哥，
姐姐不像姐姐，
妹妹也不再像妹妹。。
一个家。。。
再也不像一个家。。。

[[EILEEN]]

haiish...
np ish filled with alot of things..
studies had became more and more tough...
more and more responsibility being held on...
i feel so the tired bahs..
even if i want to study..
i just cant do it...
i dun understand why...

i totalli dont have that mood to study at home..
i also dont know why...
training nowadays had been great..
as we are NCO-t's now...
and we will be followin CI's around to learn from them...
i realli wonder,
if i could be a real NCO...
maybe yes..?
maybe not..?
i don't know..
but all i noe now ish that im always feeling cold like nobodies business..
while the others are realli warm..

dun understand why more and more headaches are happening again..
dun understand why am i getting sick more and more often..
that didn't happen in the previous time before..
feel so shity..
feel so irritated...
by all this crap happening to me...
why must i be the one..??
why cant i be the one that ish super healthy..??
i look normal.
but im not..
i wana be normal..
but i can't...
why do ppl have to look at me in different ways...
why ish that so...


sometimes i realli wonder..
why cant there be someone...
there...
when i need one...
found out that whenever i need a person around me..
no one would be there...
feel so the wad!!!!

[[EILEEN]]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MR ANG BOON KIAT...
HAPPY BIRTHDY TO COMMA!!!

its another year yeah...
hahas..
hope he ish enjoying his day yeah=)
and hope my bao bei ish living happily too!!=)

anyway..
this morning went back school for extra lesson..
was feeling tired but when it started..
i felt energetic again le bahs..
den finish lesson tired again..
dunno wads wrong with me..
but hu cares..=)

thats all for today..
[[EILEEN]]

yesterday..
got this news that uncle judah passed away on sunday midnight in america...
when i heard that..
i totalli burst into tears bahs...

i wrote alot of compos using him..
as he realli affected my life realli alot..
he live with us for 16 years...
since my sister was borned for a few months...
and went back to america 4 years ago..
and now..
he passed away...

he had realli been a realli realli nice man..
a realli caring and nice man i have ever met..
he brings in laughters..
and calls EILEEN realli nicely..
he would always EILEEN~~ from his room..
and i would go over to get things done for him..

will upload some of the photos took with him next time round...
in memories of uncle judah...

[[EILEEN]]

currently in the com lab..
super tired..
cos my head realli pain..
feel so idiotic..
today control room no electricity..
duno why..
but realli tired..
and totalli no mood today..

thats all for now.
will post again tonight..
byebye..
[[EILEEN]]